As The Colours Run (Unfamiliar Ceilings) /prose

Let’s get personal…. (not pg13, kids. You have been warned.)

Written following Holi festival – where coloured powder is thrown during a large celebration.

It’s supposed to sound a little broken in rhythm? Rhyming isn’t usually my thing but it sort of just happened in this one (ha). I don’t know, I’m not entirely satisfied with it, but it was just one of those I needed to get out there.


I’m not sure how we arrived here, to this sin.
Naked and laughing, colour streaking skin
The steam on high rise, bright rivulets run
The shower scorching above as our hands come undone.

Our ‘just friends’ lies are weaker.
Carefully constructed lines, cheaper.
Breath hitches
Your hands…

‘We need to stop’
Please don’t stop.

I’m still not sure how we arrived here, to this sin.
From bathroom to bedroom, white covers, stained skin
Gasping against hollow, your neck, collarbone,
Give over the weakness to which we are prone
Your mouth…

‘Don’t start what you can’t finish’
You started me, now finish me-

The hourglass tips
The powder morphs black,
The tide drags my fingers desperately down your back,
Clutching hips, pulse, flow, bite and blood-

Touch me. Turn me.

Send me down in colour and fire
Send me down in waves

’Too much’
Not enough

Send me down –

into the blackest of night where something just snaps
where the tiptoeing and ‘just friends’ facade cracks,
your hips making up for all your words lack-

‘I can’t’
I am

One hand seizes hipbone, the other nape of my neck,
as we ebb, flow and push against our own wreck

I forget how to kiss
I forget how to guard

I can only shudder beneath you,

mind white
just ignite

as the colours run.


I know you’re there.

I feel you silently creeping through my messages, through my inbox and my text messages like an infection.

I empathise with you. I know you have a job to do. I know you’re tied by red tape, uniforms and bullshit, but I won’t keep endangering myself so you can simply push papers and not do anything.

Newsflash; he’s still out there. He’s still walking. I have to hold that knowledge and those thoughts – thinking that if it’s not me, is it some other poor girl? How young is she? A poor, innocent girl who doesn’t know her own mind? How much more damage is he doing?

I wonder how many since me? I know you must know. That number is on your head not mine.

I guess turns out the informer has become the informed…

You should stop coming here. Because you won’t find anything anymore. Because I am finding peace within myself, and that means closing this chapter and moving on.

To readers; your support has meant more than you know these past years. I’m sorry, but it’s let go, or be dragged. I’m letting go. Maybe somewhere down the line I’ll bump into one of you somewhere in the world, without realising, and we’ll share some words again.

Hey, it’s only time and space right?

I’ve wanted to write so badly. I need to get this stuff out of my head. But I don’t know what to say, or where to start.

This last few weeks have been like something out of a film. It’s like it’s all been happening to someone else, like I’m watching this horror movie play out and it’s not really happening to me. This stuff is the stuff you hear about on the news, not the stuff that actually happens to you?

…I found out some things about Shifty. I found out more than I ever wanted to know. Every gut instinct I ever had about him all makes sense now….

Problem is, I found out some things, and it send my head reeling. I didn’t know if I believed them, despite them being from a source about as official as it gets. I just couldn’t correlate them to the Shifty I knew, so I kept going with my stupid head and even stupider heart and answered his call again. I went to him again knowing what he was.

I wish I didn’t. It was the worst mistake of my life. I see who he is now. I know firsthand.

I don’t know how I’m ever going to come back from this.

And I’m not allowed to tell a soul.

True (Hilarious) Friend.

”You are always you! Genuine, honest (even the bluntness at times) 😉 , the intelligence along with the beauty! Even the confusions you sometime have all makes you, you! Why, I am happy to have met you and I wouldn’t change a thing ❤
…these smoothie lollies are outstanding.”


”They are! Save me a raspberry one!”


”…Nah I don’t love you that much”


Love it when you happen across a quote and just think “yes, that totally sums up what I could never fit my mouth around.’

‘Yet it is in this loneliness that the deepest activities begin. It is here that you discover act without motion, labor that is profound repose, vision in obscurity, and, beyond all desire, a fulfillment whose limits extend to infinity.’ – Thomas Merton